Lately, I’ve been diving into the idea of non-attachment. The thought that we cannot cling to things that are externally focused. That each entity that is outside of ourselves has its own purpose, its own intention, its own value, and we simply cannot chain ourselves to it. When we release, we allow. The act of non-attachment, letting go of the need for things, people, thoughts, and places, brings about an enlightened state of calm tranquility. We become more whole as we are, instead of piecing together bits and pieces of a puzzle that will never perfectly fit.

When we attach ourselves to things outside of our being, we are placing expectations on things that aren’t in our control. We allow external thoughts to infiltrate our minds. We allow external actions to justify our being. We allow external people to control our energy. We allow external places to be more important than where we are now. Placing these expectations on external things and ideas is withholding our ability to just be, as we are. It takes us out of the present moment, preventing us from being just as we were designed to be. We were put here to optimally live. When we shackle ourselves to things that aren’t here, now, we are placing value on something that we aren’t actually experiencing. This prevents us from feeling the emotions that circulate through our bodies and it takes us out of knowing and trusting our innate desires.

Expectations Kill Joy

When holding onto these eternal ideals, you’re holding yourself in a state of paralysis. You’re cultivating expectations of things outside of yourself, leaving significant room for disappointment. You can’t control the way others act or the way things turn out. These expectations are creating a divide between what you hope and what really happens. Placing our value on this will leave you frustrated. It’s kind of like that term, expect the worst and hope for the best. Of course, you want things to go a certain way but when there is pressure for that to happen when you have little to no say in the outcome, you’re naturally going to get let down. It’s not because other people don’t care, rather everyone is doing the best that they can do and they may not see the same vision as you.

You are not what others believe you to be. You are not the places you go. You are not the things that you see. You’re not the emotions that you feel. These are all a part of the experience of life however, they are temporary experiences that you are not forever tied to. You will not remain in any of these states for your entire lifetime. That’s the marvelous thing, you’re going to continue to ebb and flow in this life. When you attach yourselves to these evanescent ideals, you’re preventing that natural cycle of life. You’re manifesting expectations without showing up in the way you need to, to bring that into fruition.

Fleeting Intuition

If the goal is to live intuitively, attachment is taking us out of that. When you attach to anything outside of you, your conscious being is no longer taking charge. You miss out on listening, trusting, and following your intuitive self because you believe that you can seek answers elsewhere. Something else has a hold of you while your subconscious being is kicking and screaming to be let free. When you let go, when you step into non-attachment, you are allowing your consciousness to allow what is and release what isn’t. You then cannot be impacted by anything. All things just are.

Letting go allows your intuition to run wild. You would never tell a baby to not eat when it’s hungry. You would never tell a toddler to go for a run to lose weight. So, why do we force that on ourselves? No one can decide what you need for your mind, body, and health. When you turn inward for those answers, you can trust that you know what you need. When you’re hungry, non-attachment allows you to decide what you need to consume. When you’re tired, non-attachment allows you to decide the rest that you desire. When you feel anxious, non-attachment gives you the direction needed to soothe. No one else has those answers and yet, we so often rely on others to decide what we need. How many times have you asked a friend what they are wearing to go out? How many times do you look at a menu and ask around to see what everyone else is getting? Or what about social media? How many times have you gone online and seen an eating plan, workout idea, or “the next best thing” and you dive head first into needing it? This is because we seek external answers without sitting with ourselves to understand the scope of our desires.

How Non-Attachment Encourages Optimal Love

Society has gotten it all wrong, all along. We do not need to attach ourselves to our partners or family in order to love them. In fact, attachment to your partner and family can actually become toxic because you then subconsciously put expectations on them that they may not achieve. The term unconditional love means that you love them, entirely as they are and no matter what they do. Attachment styles means you are putting your worth into their actions and at the end of the day, they are their own individuals. When practicing non-attachment in your relationships, you’re encouraging independence with the idea that we can all grow together.

Often, people assume that this means we can’t rely on others and it’s actually the opposite. Have you ever had a friend that was incredibly clingy and couldn’t make decisions for themselves? How did that make you feel? Was there a lot of pressure? Was it overwhelming? Likely so. Non-attachment is the idea that we can lean into other people without feeling like their decisions impact who we are as individuals. It’s feeling connected and independent at once. Having these ideas co-exist is the most empowering and impactful thing one can experience. It’s compassion and grace without expectation and pressure. Magical.

Non-Attachment and Body Neutrality

Non-attachment encourages body neutrality because we are not attached to loving or hating our bodies for how they are. This matters immensely. There is a huge movement for body positivity and self-love. Though loving yourself is important, we need more context. Loving your physical being can be dangerous. Creating an attachment to your current physical self can lead to disappointment later. Your body is the most inconsistent thing about you. It is meant to grow and evolve with time. We are designed to stretch and roll. Our skin is elastic for a reason. So, if you attach yourself and define your worth based on your physical body, you are creating room to be let down as it changes. With that, we should have a sense of love for ourselves and gratitude for the vessel that carries it, however, we must release attachment to what we look like.

Non-attachment also manifests love within. When we are attached to external things and people, we are actively telling our subconscious mind and body that something else is more important than where we are right now our energy turns outward instead of inward. Our reality is no longer here. When non-attachment is brought to the forefront of living, you live more freely and comfortably in your body. You’re free to decide what you need and how to obtain it. You’re no longer living for others, you’re solely here for yourself, openly and authentically.

Goals and Intentions

A common query with non-attachment is this idea of goals. Goals and intentions are a fundamental part of growth and progress in this life. However, non-attachment is the idea of setting a goal and intention and focusing energy on how you can encapsulate who you want to be. The process matters more than the end result. The attachment is what’s holding you back. Sometimes we must let go of what’s no longer serving us in order to make room for what’s new. We get so scared of releasing. Will it come back? What if I need it? You don’t. If it’s not serving you right now, there is something else that you need more of. Attachment breeds suffering as you cannot control the acts of other people and things, including the things you desire most.

Though setting goals is incredibly important, showing up as the person you need to be to accomplish those goals is more important. The intention and meaning behind the goal matters more than the goal itself. For example, if you have a goal to lose weight, you must look deeper into the intention. If the intention is to love yourself more, weight loss isn’t the goal that needs to be in place. You then must show up and do the internal work to love yourself before placing the attachment on weight loss. If the goal of weight loss is health, then you must understand the full scope of health. If you show up as a person that is putting in the emotional work to be the healthiest version of yourself, you may naturally fluctuate in weight but you’ve still reached optimal health. Therefore, the intention of health has been accomplished regardless of how the scale has moved. Hence why weight isn’t an indicator of health and cannot define individuals.

Again, goals and intentions are important but it’s equally important not to attach yourself to the goal itself but rather the intention of showing up as the person you want to be. The goals can change. Just like your body ebbs and flows, so will your desire. There is no point in sticking to a goal that no longer feels good and is no longer serving you. The act of non-attachment is simply letting go of what no longer serves you while allowing all things to freely flow in and out of your life. Of course, there will be things that you love and hold near and dear to your heart. That’s encouraged. The point isn’t to love any differently, but rather to explore who you are as an individual without placing your worth in other people.