Wellness is all the rave. It’s what everyone wants, what we all talk about, and yet, so many of us aren’t actually practicing it. Why? Because we aren’t talking about what it really is. We talk about “wellness” and we say quotes like “stay positive” and an “attitude of gratitude” but this is not wellness. That’s toxic positivity. The current discussion around wellness revolves around so many fad words that make it seem as if well-being is a priority however the far-fetched reality is that we are more addicted, more depressed, and more anxious as a society than ever before. If we look at the facts, wellness may be all the rave but the actual actions we are taking around getting our society to a place of overall health and well-being are not lining up. There is a disconnect in what we are preaching, what we are practicing, and how we are educating.

While I was getting my Master’s in Health Education and Behavior Disorders, I was stunned when I learned how much cancer and disease are correlated to chronic stress, anxiety, and heightened negative emotions. Sure, I knew there were long-term health risks with poor mental health but I didn’t realize how much the body metastasizes our emotions. Everything that happens to us has a cause and an effect and the world of “living well” is teaching us to just stay positive and have good vibes when there actually needs to be critical analysis and action in our lives. Health and wellness should not be a fad topic because it sounds cool and innovative. Real health and wellness need to be at the forefront of our lives so that we can create meaning, joy, and connection. Right now, more than ever, we need to be creating actual change in our lives and integrating strategies to improve our quality of life so we can live happier.

But how do we do that? We first need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of our lives. Where are you suppressing your emotions? Where are you feeling your weakest? How do you feel when confronted with your reality? So many clients that I work with come to me because they are struggling to find real joy, real compassion, and real confidence. They have issues in their marriage, they struggle to have hard conversations with their parents, and they can’t look in the mirror and smile. There are no lackluster moments in their lives and so we break down why. So often, it’s not a dramatic change that needs to occur. It’s not divorce, it’s not groundbreaking moments, it’s not dramatic weight loss. It’s the little moments. It’s that they are filling their time with things that they THINK bring them joy but are actually leading them to more disconnection and disengagement in their own lives. When we really break it all down, the changes and shifts are small but lead to monumental change.

It’s easy to sit on social media and see beautiful pictures of other couples. Even when if you’re in a happy and healthy relationship, it can make you feel like you don’t have it all. But, you don’t see their reality either. That’s disconnection. You see your girlfriend on these grand vacations that you’ve always dreamed of going on. That’s disengagement. You compare yourself and your traumas to the girl at work and feel like you have no reason to feel sad and/or you feel like your emotions aren’t valid. That’s comparative suffering. I could go on and on. We are the first to disengage, to compare, to disconnect. But, we’re the last to do anything about it because we think we must take big steps when in reality the things that fill our time are drastically impacting our health and wellness. Things like social media, vegging out on television, small talk with the ones we love, etc. Real health and wellness aren’t about hitting the gym every day and having a toxic positivity mindset. Real health and wellness are getting to the root of our emotions so we can better understand the lives we are living so we can then make choices that get us one step closer to the person we want to be.

Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity is the idea that we have to be happy and optimistic all of the time. It’s thinking that good vibes cure everything. The issue with this is that it leads to the suppression of emotions and leaves individuals in a state of denial and minimization of truth and reality. Toxic positivity is very prevalent on social media these days because it seems genuine on the outside. It’s easier to tell someone that a positive mindset will help them than to confront the real issues that lie at the roots. Again, living in a disengaged culture, no one wants to connect on those deeper levels and talk about vulnerability, emotions, and compassion so we throw the “positivity” band-aid on and hope the good vibes message gets across to the right people. This is dangerous and ineffective.

With all the hot talk about health and wellness, it’s easy to want to disconnect from the topic. Being a Certified Health Education Specialist, there isn’t much that makes me madder than seeing false health information on the internet and these “wellness gurus” sending out advice and information on how to be your most healthy self. No one can genuinely tell you that, especially without speaking to you one on one. There is not one bit of information or advice that someone online can give the general public and it be 100% accurate for everyone. My job as a Health Educator and Wellness Coach is to teach people how to be healthy and well, not to tell them what to do for health and wellness. I educate and guide, I do not direct or force. So with that, I want to break down some of the common health terms you may see online and actually educate you on what they mean, how to use them, and why they are important. Some may seem incredibly basic but I’ve seen an absurd amount of false information on every single one of the below topics and I think we should bring this conversation to the table.

Wellness

Wellness is the state of being. It looks at someone based on their entire life and it means casting votes on overall physical and emotional health through behavior change, personal growth, and awareness. Wellness is more than just being illness free or super fit. It’s about your quality of life and focusing on optimal conditions of living, thriving, and existing based on how you feel within. It’s not about being a gym rat or a total health nut. It’s about how you feel in your most natural state. There are eight primary areas, or dimensions, of wellness; physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, environmental, financial, occupational, and social. The dimensions of wellness are used as a tool to better understand and improve one’s wellness and quality of life. This topic is important because companies and influencers are trying to use “wellness” as a way to sell, promote, and encourage their audiences to buy products and services that aren’t genuinely about real wellness. They are looking for quick fixes and how-tos to sell to an audience that wants fast results without getting to the root issue. That doesn’t work. And it doesn’t last.

Intuition

Intuition is beyond important. I generally refer to my lifestyle and what I coach as “intuitive living” and this simply means living life through your lens and your lens only. it’s not about needing external validation or opinions. It’s not living up to others’ expectations or demands. It’s taking your innate wants and desires and going for them. Now, this gets complicated because our desires tend to change based on our exposure. The more social media we see, the more we compare, and the more we buy into society’s demands, the more we believe that this is what we genuinely want. Your intuition is not actively telling you to binge eat processed foods and to never move. Your intuition isn’t telling you that you need the latest iPhone or Nikes. Your intuition is things like making gut decisions that impact your life, honoring your mind and body with nutrition and rest, and doing the hard things that you know you need in your life. It’s being able to mute the outside world and quite literally go within. This takes time, trust, and energy to build. You aren’t going to wake up one day and just be able to ask yourself exactly what you need when your thoughts are saturated with the outside world.

Boundaries

Boundaries, oh boundaries. Everyone wants to talk about having boundaries yet very little actually practice boundary setting and following through. Boundaries are not something you throw around just because you don’t want to do something. Boundaries are set rules or guides that help protect you against having your personal values compromised. For example, if one of your values is having time to yourself for 30 minutes every evening, one of your boundaries would be that your family not request anything from you within that timeframe. Now, it’s up to you during that time to actually utilize it and not allow others to steal that time from you. If your partner or kids come knocking at the door asking for help and you get up to help them, you are breaking your own boundary by not honoring what you need. Boundaries are generally pre-set ideals. They aren’t just made up on a whim at the moment because you don’t like them. When you have specific boundaries in place with other people, it’s important to clearly state what happens when that boundary is broken. This will help you understand the repercussions of not honoring your set boundaries and it will help them evaluate the importance of it all and to determine if their actions are worth it. Boundaries are not a tool for punishing others, rather it’s a tool for helping you create space between yourself and things that bring about stress, negative energy, and overwhelm.

Gratitude

I could talk about gratitude all day. I see people talk about gratitude online all of the time, which is good in theory, but gratitude needs to be an active practice every single day for it to actually work. You can’t just be grateful in one moment and expect all of your problems and worries to go away forever. It isn’t an “attitude of gratitude”, it’s about practicing and believing in your gratitude to dismiss anxiety, shame, and worry. Gratitude is beyond healing when done right. In my blog post, The Importance of Gratitude, I write that “Psychology suggests that gratitude is correlated with improved mood, lowered levels of anxiety, and greater quality of life. It allows people to feel more present and allows for improved relationships and overall health.” Having a gratitude practice every single day is what brings you closer to joy, mental health, and overall wellness. You can do this through meditation, writing letters, journaling, reflection, etc. I offer these Gratitude Sheets to help you create a habit of gratitude and implement this into your everyday life.

Self-Love

Self-love is important, it’s the heart of my work. You cannot be confident without self-love. You cannot truly love others until you love yourself. It’s just the fact of the matter. But, self-love isn’t exactly what you’re thinking. Our culture is in an active state of “treat yourself” and though this idea is fun, it’s not the real idea of self-love. Self-love is looking within and having an innate sense of compassion for who we are as individuals. It’s being able to look in the mirror and not ignore our flaws, but actually accept them as part of who we are. It’s looking at those stretch marks, dimples, and wrinkles and knowing that they are a part of you and that’s what’s beautiful. They are a part of the vessel carrying you, ebbing and flowing through life. It’s not about looking at yourself and needing to feel perfect, it’s seeing and accepting your flaws. It’s looking inward and knowing that there will always be room for improvement but feeling compassion for where you are right here, right now. Treat yourself culture is quite dangerous. Everyone is making it out to be a money and energy scam. Treat yourself and buy that coffee, treat yourself and have a spa day, treat yourself and get those shoes you’ve been wanting. Sure, treat yourself when you want to. But this isn’t what self-love is about. Self-love is actively practicing strategies to make you feel good. It goes beyond instant gratification and materialistic objects. It’s knowing what your mind and body actually need and honoring that place within you. It’s treating yourself with grace and compassion. It’s how you speak to yourself and how you show up for yourself.