Shame. It takes over your sense of wellbeing and makes you feel small. It makes you feel like you’ve failed and as if you’re less than who you really are. When shame takes over, it becomes an impossible feat. It swallows us whole and we fall into a pit of despair and hatred for who and what we are. Shame is the driver for violence, eating disorders, depression, addiction, and suicide. Shame impacts wellness by encompassing who we are and allows us to believe that we’ll never be good enough. It’s a hungry emotion that is fed by silence and secrecy.

What is Shame

Shame is the idea that you’re a bad person. The idea that you can’t seem to get things right and that there’s always something wrong. Shame gives the idea of failure though it’s a completely made-up emotion by the consciousness. Often, shame and guilt are used interchangeably but guilt is focused on behavior while shame is focused on self. When evaluating oneself, shame kicks in as an insult on self-worth and is a negative influence on growth and development.

Shame gives the false impression that we are incapable of love and affection and when we do begin to feel it, we become unworthy of it. This self-sabotage leads to feelings of distress and worthlessness. It makes life difficult to navigate as if there is a constant roadblock in the way of moving forward. Shame is a consuming emotion full of negative self-talk that deteriorates the soul and inner being.

Shame in Society

Living in a society full of shame is damaging and counterproductive, leading to a lack of motivation and productivity. Creating a society focused on wrongdoing and how to be better neglects creativity and change. Society creates a stigma around looking, acting, and being a certain way and though it’s becoming more okay to steer away from those norms, the labels can still lead to judgment and despair.

It’s easy to inflict shame on others because it’s easy to blame. Shame comes from not feeling good enough and when we cast blame and hate on others for small occurrences, falling into the hole of not being and feeling good enough becomes a habit. Society points fingers for wrongdoings rather than teaching and exploring alternative routes. It refuses to see light in differences and would rather knock people down than build them up. For some reason, this makes others feel larger without the acknowledgment of how it affects others.

Society doesn’t want to talk about shame because it’s easier to ignore it than have the uncomfortable conversations. Shame will manifest itself into something much bigger than what it really is when it is ignored. It makes it much more difficult to get rid of because it thrives from silence and secrecy. The more that shame is present, the more you’ll want to hide. Living in a world where shame is inevitable makes wellness difficult to achieve and work towards because of the lack of communication around the subject.

Shame Impacts Wellness

Since shame wants to hide, when felt, you begin to feel small and not good enough for life. The feeling of being small and incapable of restricts growth and development. There isn’t a desire to succeed because shame coats people with the feeling that they’ll continue to fail; so, why try? Shame works to negatively impact wellness in all areas because it inhibits motivation and growth. And ultimately, what is wellness? The goal of wellness is to improve the quality of life, reduce illness, and live a fulfilled life and when shame is present, it convinces you that you’ll end up worse off from where you start. It’s the feeling of being small and withholds creativity and advancement.

When there’s a blanket of shame on someone, there’s a lack of ability to function at 100%. Shame impacts wellness because it’s a self-punishing ideology that triggers the prefrontal cortex to shut down. When this occurs, there’s a need to fight, flee, or freeze because the amygdala kicks in. The amygdala is responsible for emotional responses and, in this case, triggers panic, fear, and paralysis. When felt through shame, the natural response is to shrink and suffer in silence. You think that when you allow it to hide, it won’t be felt but in fact, the opposite occurs. When shame sits in silence, it grows the most and afflicts the most pain.

The issue with shame is that it often stems from an occurrence in history. Personal growth comes from self-discovery and when shame presents itself, self-discovery feels wrong and meaningless. Therefore, getting to the root of where shame comes from may be difficult and continue into the future until there is a breakthrough.

Letting go of Shame

We are not born with shame. Shame develops from the voices of others and works its way into being the voice in our head. It originates from unrealistic standards held by an imperfect society and will only dissipate when we let go of the idea of perfectionism. It doesn’t exist and it’s easy to feel less than others but it’s also easy to ignore or not see their flaws. Shame takes over our total selves when we ignore our intuition and lack self-compassion.

The greatness villain of shame is empathy and to receive empathy, you have to be willing and vulnerable to speak up. Share your shame with the world; or at least people you love and trust. Shame wants nothing more than to be a suppressed feeling that takes over all of who you are but you are stronger than shame and you have every ability to fight it off. Bringing attention and awareness to shame makes it much easier to rise above it and allow it to disintegrate into nothingness rather than allowing it to place you into a spiral nothingness.

Give yourself love and compassion. When shame begins to become you, increase your positive self-talk. Kill it with kind words. It will be a process, but it WILL disappear. Shame is a forever feeling until it is acknowledged and there is an active change. It won’t go away on its own but building resilience against shame will allow for more self-discovery and growth that you will ever imagine.

Shame impacts wellness and is one of the largest roadblocks along the way. It’s a difficult emotion to recognize because of its fight to be and remain hidden. Rise against shame. Talk about it and give yourself the loving kindness that you deserve. Let yourself love and grow and each time you feel shame take over your choices, remind yourself of why it’s there, and why you deserve more. Bathe yourself in wellness and allow the positive things in your life to constantly be at the front of your mind and slowly watch shame fail to have control over who and what you are.