Have you ever thought that your love occurs in your mind, and not in the mirror?

That a love so deep

Can only exist within,

Beyond the surface,

Beyond the unfinished parts that are still manifesting into magic?

Have you ever imagined that your body could exist just as it is, without alter, without change?

That you are as you are and that is simply good enough?

Because you,

You have a light that burns within,

And that light

Can only be seen when you breakdown the glass

Preventing you from being

Being in the here,

Being in the now

Being in this body that is so sacred

And so flawlessly made

So amplify your voice, it needs to be heard

Nourish your body, it deserves to be felt

Talk kindly to your vessel, it yearns to be loved

You are a work of art,

So flawlessly made

Whole and perfect

But only you have the power to break through those panes,

Preventing you from seeing

The truth and the beauty,

That occurs in the mind before it will ever be seen in the mirror

Have you ever imagined that your body could exist just as it is?

That you are as you are and that is simply good enough?

That there is nothing to alter, nothing to change

And that image in the mirror is merely a reflection

Of the systematic views you’ve been conditioned to see

And your worth,

Is defined by so much more

Then the lumps and bumps, the marks and scars

And your love,

Is measured beyond the ideals that you’ve been taught to carry,

And you deserve to exist,

Loving yourself for who you are,

And all of that begins in the mind

And never in the mirror.

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We have been so conditioned to believe that our worth lies within our looks. This poem above is one that I wrote while thinking about the struggles I have developed from looking in the mirror and from the societal norms we’ve been conditioned to believe. I used to wear clothing that was so uncomfortable to ensure that my stretch marks weren’t visible. I used to suck in my stomach to reduce the lines and rolls that were showing through my shirt. I spent so long hiding my body because the reflection I saw in the mirror tore me to shreds. Standing for extended periods of time analyzing the changes that need to occur and thinking about what it would mean to see a thigh gap and toned lines.

It broke me, for so long. As I started healing my relationship with myself, I started noticing these patterns that are so normal in society. It’s beyond sad. After a few years on my own journey, I started working with women to improve their confidence and intuition. The first thing I began noticing is that so many struggle with this idea that we need to look a certain way in order to trust what we feel. It breaks my heart every single time I see this occurring because our bodies are merely vessels that are allowing us to live. Sure, we need to protect our health and overall well-being but putting so much pressure on the way we look is preventing us from feeling optimal joy and love in this life.

When you live in a state of obsession with your body, there is something to lose. When you live in a state of hate with your body, it’s impossible to create trust within. So, we need a neutral stance. Having polarized views of your body is counterproductive. The pendulum shouldn’t be swinging back and forth, it should just be, in a neutral place. And all of that begins in the mind, not in the mirror. Society has conditioned us to believe that our health and worth can be defined by our bodies and it has created a false narrative in our minds that skinny means perfect.

Because of this narrative, we have created an unhealthy sense of body image, primarily in women. The desire to lose weight regardless of health status has made many lose their sense of trust. Inner trust is created by honoring your body and deeper desires. When you make decisions that serve your body in a healthy, meaningful way, you are rewiring your neurological pathways to know that your decisions are ones that are serving and beneficial. These moments of trust improve overall intuition because your subconscious mind knows that you are choosing what feels good, rather than what the external voices are expecting. The only voice that matters is the one that’s within you.

Here’s the Thing…

You don’t have to love every part of your body. In fact, you don’t have to love any part of your physical body to embody self-love and empowerment. When body neutrality becomes the forefront of your living, you get to feel empowered regardless of the reflection in the mirror. You’re probably thinking, “what even is body neutrality“…

Body neutrality is a way of being in your body. It’s about recognizing that there are things you may not love but you can’t change and others part that you see as beautiful but have the potential to change in the future. Our bodies are designed to ebb and flow. Being in a neutral place with your body reduces the desire to force and restrict, allowing you to cultivate optimal love from within. It’s not hating. It’s not obsessing. It’s simply being.

We’ve spent so long trying to convince people that we have to love every part of ourselves and we don’t. But, we do have to live with ourselves every single day, and spending that time in hate, is detrimental to optimal joy. Body neutrality allows you to live in a way that joy is at the forefront of your mind without feeling so tied to the image in the mirror. You don’t see yourself the way other people you. You will naturally be harsher and less kind to yourself. This is why your emotional and mental resilience is more important than feeling endless love for your physical being, the part of you that is the most inconsistent.

Improving Mental Resilience

There are many ways to improve emotional resilience, especially when it comes to body image. This is the primary focus of my 1:1 Coaching. I dive deep with clients to understand where their current body image is and what is needed to improve their overall mindset. But, there are a few general tips I give to those wanting to improve their mental resilience for body image to rewire the idea that the mind matters more than what’s in the mirror.

• Look at yourself with a neutral stance
  One of my favorite activities I do with clients is having them look in a mirror a few days in a row and notice the thoughts that come to mind. While noticing the thoughts that come to mind, rewrite the way you’re speaking to yourself in a more neutral stance. For example, every time I see my stretch marks, I thank them for allowing me to grow and evolve in my body. This has helped me rewrite the idea that stretch marks are shameful when they actually show the elasticity of my skin as I’ve grown as an individual.
• Wear what feels good
  Stop setting yourself up for failure. When you don’t feel good physically, your self-talk will reflect that. Wearing clothing that makes you feel good and empowered will help you feel more aligned in your body.
• Mindful movement
  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…stop moving out of restriction. When you exercise just to try and lose weight, you’re creating a narrative in your mind that you aren’t worthy of movement that feels good solely for you, regardless of the outcome. When you start moving more mindfully, you’re reinforcing in your subconscious mind that you are worthy of doing something that feels good, without expectation.
• Same goes with food
  Literally, the same idea is with food. When you consume food in a restrictive way, you are preventing yourself from feeling worthy of consuming something nourishing. You are then creating a line of mistrust in your being.
• Manifest Radical Acceptance
  We carry so much shame and hate for ourselves and it’s disrupting the ways in which we live and love. Manifesting Radical Acceptance is this idea that I’ve created where we can acknowledge our pain points (for example, how I felt about my stretch marks for so long) and then write out statements to help you manifest acceptance. Just writing out these ideas helps you shift the energy and want to put effort towards the transition. Continuing with my stretch mark example, a statement of Manifesting Radical Acceptance would be; “I will appreciate the stretch marks that have allowed my body to grow in life”. Creating this statement has helped me actively notice the way I talk to and about my stretch marks which has shifted how I feel about myself every time I look in the mirror.